One doesn’t go into a movie entitled Piranha 3-D with expectations of high art, cinematic subtlety, or intellectual stimulation – but I did go expecting a good time.  My reasons are as follows:

1) Joe Dante’s original 1978 Piranha was a low-budget, Roger Corman-produced, John Sayles-penned, affectionately silly, Jaws spoof that worked on a guttural level while providing a treasure trove of film-buff in-references.

2) 1981’s Piranha 2: The Spawning is, oddly enough, the directorial debut of James Cameron – who three years later would go onto write and direct The Terminator.  Cameron was originally hired to do the special effects, but took over direction after the original director was fired.  Most concede that the film is a stinker, but agree that the fault does not lie with the future Titanic/Avatar director.  Cameron himself has jokingly referred to the film as "the finest flying killer fish horror/comedy ever made."

3) The trailer for 2010’s Piranha 3-D won me over with its cast alone.  To see Christopher Lloyd on the big screen for the first time in years (overdramatizing lines like “This particular piranha vanished two million years ago!”), and Richard Dreyfuss spoofing his Matt Hooper character from Jaws … were reason enough for me to check out this film.  More about those two legends in a bit.

Director Alexandre Aja (Haute Tension, The Hills Have Eyes, Mirrors) thankfully more than gets the joke of this movie.  In fact – and quite ironically – most critics agree that this could be one of the most entertaining films of a rather lackluster summer.  (Don’t take my word for it – it currently has an 82% approval rating over at Rotten Tomatoes.)

The story couldn’t be less complicated.  The town of Lake Victoria, Arizona is generally pretty quiet – but once a year the population explodes when 20,000 college kids arrive for Spring Break.  This spring, however, an underwater earthquake opens a huge fissure which releases thousands of mutant piranha who couldn’t be more pleased with the virtual smorgasbord swimming above.  Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) and Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames) do their best to keep the inebriated, and barely dressed populace safe, but … by the time the furious fishies show up, it is pretty much a lost cause.  When, in this film’s final third, the carnage reaches its bloody beach zenith, its damn near Saving Private Ryan, in 3-D, on acid, with boobs.  Lots of boobs.

Often when one uses phrases like gratuitous, excessive, over-the-top, in-your-face, needlessly violent, and without a moral center, these would be considered criticisms.  However, the joke of this one joke movie is so damn funny, and is pulled off with such expertise, those aforementioned phrases are this film’s strengths … along with some hilarious in-jokes … and clever cameos … and pointed barbs … and decent special effects … and boobs.

KELLY BROOK AND RILEY STEELE ARE WILD, WILD GIRLS

Speaking of those last, Jerry O’Connell plays Derrick Jones, the producer of Wild, Wild, Girls (such an obvious spoof of Girls Gone Wild and its creator Joe Francis, that Francis is suing the movie’s producers for "libel-in-fiction").  O’Connell’s characterization is so sleazy and high strung, he seems to be doing a riff on his Jerry Macguire costar Tom Cruise.  While this character is truly a scumbag, the movie does revel awhile in his mammarial excesses (to put it mildly), but eventually serves up his just desserts in manner so ridiculously over-the-top and in-your-face as to be jaw-dropping – before you can say, “Oh, no they di-in’t,” oh yes, they di-id.  English actress/model Kelly Brook plays one of Derrick’s Wild Girls and, though she is little more than eye candy here, she does add to this movie’s charm.  Director Eli Roth (Hostel) shows up as the emcee of a wet tee-shirt contest, and also gets turned into fish bait.

Elisabeth Shue and Ving Rhames do fine (if undistinguished) work here – it’s good to see both of them on screen again. If the film has a hero, it is probably Jake Forester (Steven R. McQueen – Steve’s grandson), who plays the sheriff’s son.  While the kid does have talent and charisma, he’s got a long way to go before he can hope to fill his grandfather’s shoes.

Regarding those two aforementioned cameos … this film’s opening had me grinning before the credits even appeared.  I don’t want to give away too much, suffice to say that Richard Dreyfuss’ appearance in this film DOES pay hilarious homage to Jaws, and that his role here is not unlike Drew Barrymore’s in Scream.  Producer Bob Weinstein reportedly had to cajole the actor with a bigger paycheck to get him to agree to do this, but the result sets a pitch perfect tone for such a giddy spoof of Jaws.

RICHARD DREYFUSS NEEDS A BIGGER BOAT

Christopher Lloyd, who seems to have been gone from our movie screens for ages, makes a more-than-welcome return as a scientist who offers exposition and explanations.  He isn’t given a lot to do, but he plays it so gleefully broad, I kept expecting an arm-waving exclamation of “Great Scott!”  When Mr. Lloyd first appeared on screen, the audience with whom I saw this picture literally cheered!  Would somebody declare Christopher Lloyd a national treasure already?  Why isn’t he given more work?  Why has he been demoted to doing direct-to-video offal?  From his appearances in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, Taxi, Star Trek III, the Back to the Future trilogy, Roger Rabbit, and The Addams Family movies, to name only a few, the guy has entertained us for decades.  His appearance here makes an already entertaining film, very entertaining.

To wrap up, while Piranha 3-D will not be nominated come Oscar season, this movie was WAY better than it had any right to be.  Even the 3-D, converted from 2-D, was not too shabby.  (There will always be a vast difference between films shot in 3-D, like Avatar, and transferred, often horribly, like Clash of the Titans – this falls somewhere in the middle.)  For fans of exploitation spoofs, you won’t do much better this season than Piranha 3-D … I never thought I would say such a thing, but it gives me great pleasure to do so.

GRADE B+

Greetings all.  Here's what's happening.  The biggest news on TheWordslinger is that BROODING – The Heartland Chronicles Book One, by yours truly, was published in June 2010.  You can buy copies at the book’s Official website, or Amazon.com, or …

My next book signing will be on Thursday August 26th, 2010, 6:30 pm at:

Clear Creek Books
1200 Washington Ave
Golden, Colorado 80401
303-278-4593

If you are in the area, please stop in, say hello, and pick up a signed copy – I’d love to see you there.

It doesn’t look very different, but TheWordslinger went through a major platform overhaul recently, so hopefully things are running smoother on this site.  For those interested, I also made some changes to my About Andy page.

Over the past 2 1/2 years, this site has had over 150,000 visitors, and is going stronger all the time.  Thanks to all of you who keep coming back.

It is rather daunting going into the promotion stage for this novel of mine, but I am also very excited.  I will keep you updated as more book signings are scheduled, as well as post some photos from the one coming up on the 26th.

Thanks again and – as always – don’t take any shit from anybody!

Those of us old enough to remember Jackie Gleason remember him fondly. (No, I wasn't around for his early success - I'm not that old. I discovered him on TV with reruns of his movies and, of course, The Honeymooners which I originally thought was kind of a live action version of The Flintstones. I was a kid, whuddya want from me?) By the time I saw The Hustler, with Jackie portraying Minnesota Fats to Paul Newman's Fast Eddie Felson, I came to understand why this larger-than-life actor was referred to as The Great One. In addition to his genius comic timing, and his iconic turn as Ralph Kramden, Jackie also had some powerful dramatic chops, and the ability to imbue the coarsest of characters with tremendous pathos his early silent skits as The Poor Soul rival even Charlie Chaplin's Little Tramp.

In 1984, Jackie sat down with Morley Safer of 60 Minutes to discuss his career, his life, his influence, his humble beginnings, and his legacy. The 20-minute interview (embedded below) is not the most in-depth probe ever done by the news magazine, but is still quite entertaining and eye-opening. Jackie even waxes hopeful on God and The Great Beyond - which The Great One went to only three years after this interview. His epitaph? And away we go!

Cop a gander at this interview and remember how sweet he was.

(Thanks to Alison Nastasi at Cinematical for drawing attention to this.)

WORDSLINGER'S NOTE: This series features reviews of some of my favorite films, many of which - while not forgotten - have been out of the mainstream so long, they've been neglected.  If I can introduce someone to a great film they've never seen before my work will not be in vain.

In 1979, three years before director and screenwriter Nicholas Meyer saved the Star Trek franchise with his masterful second film incarnation, The Wrath of Khan, and five years after his debut novel, The Seven-Per-Cent Solution (where Sherlock Holmes meets Sigmund Freud), he made his directorial debut with a nifty little time travel thriller called Time After Time. Meyer also wrote the screenplay, based on a novel by Karl Alexander and a story by Steve Hayes.

The story posits that British science fiction author H.G. Wells (The Time Machine, The Island of Doctor Moreau, The Invisible Man, The War of the Worlds) actually created a real and functioning time machine, and intended to use it to visit what he believed would be a Utopian future. Before he can do so, however, the machine is stolen by one of Wells' distinguished colleagues who turns out to be Jack the Ripper. When the machine returns to its place of origin, 1893, Wells pursues this deadly enemy into 1979 San Francisco.

The story isn't much more complicated than that. While such a magical mix of reality, fantasy, and fish-out-of-water shenanigans is, of course, a great deal of fun, where this picture really shines is in the performances of its three leads. Malcolm McDowell is excellent as H.G. Wells, and one gets the idea that he is relishing the opportunity to play anything other than a villain. His “Herbert” Wells is sweet, smart, and a bit befuddled by the 20th century, never more so than when he meets Amy Robbins (Mary Steenburgen), a liberated currency exchange manager. The love story between this mismatched couple is quite touching and believable probably because McDowell and Steenburgen were actually falling in love on the set (they married in 1980, had two children, and later divorced in 1990). British actor David Warner portrays Jack the Ripper with the same gravitas and intensity that he has brought to many of his other roles (The Omen, The Island, Tron, Star Trek VI, Titanic, etc ).

MALCOLM McDOWELL AS H.G. WELLS

Since this was his first directorial effort, director Meyer stumbles a bit while staging crowd scenes and other complicated plot devices. Also, after 30+ years, some of the special effects no longer hold up. And yet this story is so winning, and the performances so charming, one can easily overlook these quibbles. Meyer chronicles the making of this movie in his very entertaining memoir The View From the Bridge - Memories of Star Trek and a Life in Hollywood (highly recommended). Time After Time also received its first DVD release in the fall of 2008. While there isn't a whole lot of bonus content on the disc, it is nice to be able to see this film in its original 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen aspect ratio. There is also an entertaining commentary by Meyer and McDowell.

On a side note, there is some weird synchronicity going on with this film. Meyer, McDowell, and Warner all had Star Trek in their future, but didn't know it. Meyer, who in addition to directing Star Trek's II and VI, cowrote Star Trek IV, which also involved time travel in modern day San Francisco. Steenburgen would also find herself in another time travel romance when she met Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd, another Star Trek vet) in Back to the Future III. I don't know what it all means, but I do find it of interest.

The original theatrical trailer is posted below - unfortunately, it is one of those trailers edited by a moron who didn't know what the film was supposed to be about. It gives away too much, features too much slapstick, and damn near spoils the ending. Watch if you dare, but don't say I didn't warn you.

While not a perfect film, Time After Time is a little gem whose charms far outweigh its flaws - connoisseurs of time travel stories will love this Forgotten Classic. Seek it out.

Well, folks, you've heard me talking about it for years, but BROODING - The Heartland Chronicles Book One by yours truly has finally been published and is available for immediate sale.

For those wondering what this book is about, here is the jacket copy:

Nicholas Goodfellow is not the Devil, but he knows him.

When the high-ranking, aristocratic demon first spies his new mission - a five-year-old orphan named Tyler Davis - he is insulted. But when he sees that his former friend General Valiant, one of Heaven's mightiest warriors, has been charged with the boy's keep, he knows that something is afoot.

Tyler knows nothing of these spiritual beings. As the tenderhearted lad grows up under the twisted rule of his dictatorial grandmother - experiencing physical, emotional, and religious abuse - he runs away at the age of sixteen, collapses on the highway, and is adopted by a benevolent gang of Colorado bikers known as The Brood.

Within this family, made up of wounded souls like himself, Tyler first begins to trust, falls in love, and learns some very effective ways of shutting out the past. But running from demons, psychological or otherwise, is a tricky business - sooner or later they must be faced. As Tyler does so, he becomes aware of the spiritual battle going on around him - a bloody war for his soul which will leave none of The Brood unchanged.

This very human story is about forgiveness, redemption, letting go of the past, and how God can offer beauty for ashes to the most brokenhearted soul.

It is a story for the walking wounded. It is a story for us all.

To order this 664-page, 288,000 word, 3 pound behemoth of a book - 20 years in the making! - visit TheHeartlandChronicles.com or Amazon.com.

To all of you who offered encouragement to me regarding this project over the years, my most hearty thanks!

Happy reading!

UPDATE: If you decide to buy a copy off my eStore page don't be afraid to go with the CHEAPEST shipping rate - it will NOT take three weeks to deliver, no matter what it says. You know, in case that was going to be a deal breaker